Time is running out and there’s a constant clump in my chest. I have too much to do in the next 6 days (actually 5 now, when I look at the clock). I won’t be able to prepare enough before the big day. The trial lecture that I’m making is taking me too long. I had a total meltdown on Thursday because I thought it wasn’t good enough. Luckily Tove and a friend were there for me. This feeling of panic suddenly comes over me and I feel like I can’t breathe. Everyone says it’s totally normal to feel this way just before the defense. Why do we subject ourselves to this? And why can’t I be confident in myself? Everyone else is confident that I’ll do fine in the defense, but I’m not. The moving truck is coming to pick up my stuff the evening before my defense. I haven’t packed yet. And I don’t want to leave Tromsø. ARGH!

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