Yesterday, I received the peer review of the final paper in my PhD, which I wrote together with my 3 supervisors. This manuscript presents the results of my research, where I followed a group of psychology students over 3 years to track their development in information literacy knowledge, skills, and attitudes, including changes in their perceptions of themselves as information literate individuals. This was the jewel in the crown of my PhD research. I knew it was a long shot to get this manuscript published in this particular journal, but I wanted to try anyway, despite it being over 2000 words too long . (They make exceptions, they say…)

The review I received however was much more worrisome and disheartening than I could have imaged, although it began with “Please don’t get too discouraged. I think you are really on to some interesting research which is why I spent so much time on this review.” So, although they are ultimately interested in the manuscript, we’d have to change tons of things, many of which underlie my entire dissertation – which I still haven’t gotten the verdict on! For example, I represent knowledge, skills, and attitudes with the words knowing, doing, and feeling. These are fundamental elements of my thesis. Additionally, I inform (parts of) my research with transformative learning theory. So imagine my dismay when I read these comments from the reviewer:

“I urge you to strongly consider removing your argument and framework for knowing, doing, and feeling altogether from this manuscript, as well as transformational learning.”

What if the committee evaluating my dissertation feels the same way?! It’s one thing to have to edit the manuscript, but it’s too late to edit the dissertation! ARGH! So now I’m totally stressed out and worried that I won’t get my PhD! The angst feels like a clump in my chest. I’m convinced that within the next 3 days (that’s the deadline), I’ll find out that my 300-page dissertation has been rejected. YIKES!! I’ve been fairly calm until now, and actually believed that my work was quite good, but that relaxed feeling has now evaporated. I have little confidence at this point. 🙁

There are three possible assessments for the dissertation:

1. It is considered worthy of being defended in a defense.
2. In its current form, it is not considered worthy of being defended. A revised thesis can be assessed within 3 months.
3. It is rejected.

I know that it doesn’t help to worry – it won’t affect the result – but it’s hard to avoid. Tove, who’s an expert in thinking positively, says this was our “Trick-or-treat”. The treat is that the journal may eventually publish the manuscript (albeit in another form, and perhaps as 2 articles), and the trick is to break the code in editing it.

Ugh. The party on Nov. 25th, after the defense, is already planned. And 5 days after that, when I was planning on being finished, I’ll be moving from wonderful Tromsø (don’t want to think about it – can’t even write about it yet). Failing is NOT part of my plan.